“Half of fathers with one child say they will not accept a new job that reduces work/life balance; 55% of women without children say the same thing.”
This is good news and bad news. Good news because maybe now the idea of balance will become more mainstream and be addressed on a larger scale. If not, as the report calls out, corporations have much more to lose than just the mothers who work for them.
The bad news is that this takes one more difference between men and women off the table. This used to be used to explain why women aren’t advancing in the workplace as fast as men. Unfortuantely, this excuse may no longer be valid. Where does it leave us with respect to leveling the playing field for women in business? This McKinsey report provides some ideas for the corporate world:
Help by providing better informal networks and role models
Reshape preconceived notions about what constitutes women’s work. Stop making decisions for other people about what job the can or would be willing to do.
Examine and possibly help shift women’s own mindsets
Interestingly, these same recommendations work for getting more women into successful and high-growth entrepreneurial ventures. ACTiVATE is working on all that, which is why it…works!
My daughter and I had an interesting conversation the other day about her PE class at school. She’s a sophomore in high school and is taking team sports for PE. As one of a handful of girls she is, not unexpectedly, in the minority with a LOT more boys in the class.
Normally, my daughter is fairly aggressive on the sports field. She enjoys getting dirty and doesn’t shy away from a
challenge. In this class, however, she’s been holding back. Playing flag football, she would be open and never get the pass. In volleyball, the ball would be coming right at her and a ball hog (guy) would come from behind and take the shot, never giving her a chance. She got tired of fighting, and decided it wasn’t worth it. It wasn’t worth the fight.
How many times do we decide, too, that giving up is easier than fighting? And is that always a bad thing?
You see, some obstacles are WORTH fighting for but are they all? I know I try to save my energy for the battles that are worth taking on. As a parent of teenage girls, this is crucial, but also as someone who tends to take on a lot…I need to conserve my energy.
How do you know which battles are worth your energy? By focusing on your path. What is it, ultimately, that you’re working towards? Are there ways to go around the obstacle rather than pushing THROUGH it? There’s a time to plow through but there’s also a time to find another way around. Choose where to expend your energy. Next time you find your energy being sapped by a fight, make sure it is battle-worthy and that you’re focused on the right thing…the path.
About half way into my walk across the trails of McDonald’s Hamburger U the other morning, I realized the parallels between that adventure and my life. I found myself a bit lost, but next to a lake which, with the rising sun, caught the reflection of the surrounding trees in a breath-taking way. As I slowly looked around the rocks forming the edge of the water, I spied a majestic bird of some sort – perhaps a heron – just basking in the early morning rays. My only regret was that I didn’t have a camera to capture what I saw.
How I got to this lake I had no idea. I was trying to follow a map the hotel had given me but at some point I must have taken a wrong turn. The paths were not well marked and as I result I got “lost” and found myself in an incredible place. I knew I was exactly where I was supposed to be. It was a lot like my life.
I’ve taken many unmarked paths in my time, some covered with nasty brush and briars, some clear. I’ve certainly gotten lost a time or two. But somehow, I eventually – always – ended up in an incredible place. Had I obsessed over trying to figure out exactly where I was and how I got there, rather than having faith that I would not only meet my objective (fresh air and exercise for my walk) but that I would also somehow find my way back, I would have missed it. I would have missed a marvelous view and a peaceful, thoughtful moment.
Since you’re reading this, I obviously made it back body and soul, relaxed and invigorated all at the same time, ready to start my day. How often do we let worry or the need to be right spoil the potential for a stunning experience as it unfolds before our blinded eyes? My guess is, pretty often.
Our actions and words have so much more impact on others than we could ever realize. If you happen to not believe this, just read “The Five People You Meet In Heaven” by Mitch Albom or watch one of my favorite movies, “It’s a Wonderful Life”. As a mother, I know I have an influence on my children although I sometimes don’t see it (or realize they’re even LISTENING TO ME) until way after the fact. When I do hear them repeating something I said or making a good decision based on something I’ve harped on, I feel an incredible sense of satisfaction. I recently was able to feel that same level of gratification in my professional career as well.
When I was in South Africa last year, I was part of a team that spoke at seminars across the region. One of the specific exercises that I led the groups in was in perfecting your elevator pitch. They seemed to really embrace the process while I encouraged people to really think outside the box and work to make their visions a reality.
Apparently, one of the business coaches and mentors in the audience, Tina James, fully embraced the message. When I went back to South Africa this past March she had fulfilled her dream by starting Dancing Divas, a dance class for “mature” women. I actually attended one of her classes while I was in town and felt privileged to have the opportunity to watch her SHINE. She was living her dream.
More than once she let me know that my session and subsequent conversations with her were largely responsible for her decision to just do it. Seeing the joy in her eyes as she talked about her “new baby” made tears well up in mine. The “Boot in the Butt” really works!!
She’s well on her way to building yet another successful business, with plans to franchise already in the works. More than just the business opportunity, she’s providing women with an opportunity to express themselves through dance who might not otherwise find that outlet. Oh, and she is loving every minute of it.
The experience with Tina just furthered my resolve to continue moving forward with my work regardless of whether I see the impact. I firmly believe that we are all connected and often our actions have a profound and necessary ripple throughout the universe that we’re not aware of. You have an impact whether you know it or not. In the story of how a single snowflake can break a tree branch, every snowflake that lands before that last one matters.
The bigger picture is out there and the Master Choreographer has it all in focus even when we don’t.If you have a story about how a “Boot in the Butt” has helped you or your business, please share! We would love to feature you…
It’s been a long time since I’ve been outside of my comfort zone. Oh, there was that learning-to-juggle-thing I undertook around this time last year. It only took me a month to master that new trick. It wasn’t something I had ever tried before, so I didn’t expect to be good at it. The failures were anticipated and even a fun part of the journey.
Just the other day, my husband and I took a day off and went (snow) skiing, something I hadn’t done in 3 years. After a first clumsy run down the ‘bunny hill’ (the slow, easy slope for learners) my confidence re-emerged. I did hit the snow once (I swear there was an ice patch!), but that was OK, too. It had been a while, I was a little rusty, and I expected to fall a couple of times, anyway.
Now, in the midst of a new start-up business concept, I’m outside my comfort zone again but having a harder time with this one. It has been 14 years since I started my first company – back then things seemed different. Back then I had never run a business so I didn’t really know what to expect. I hadn’t gone through the extreme highs and lows of the roller-coaster-ride of entrepreneurship yet so it was all one unknown adventure. I had never worried about having enough cash to cover payroll or experienced the joy of depositing 6-figure checks from clients. I didn’t know what to expect around the next corner and its probably a good thing I didn’t. It was a blast.
Now, as I am kicking off a business concept I fully believe in and am extremely excited about, I find myself experiencing fleeting moments of trepidation, maybe even fear. It’s not that I’m afraid of failing – I do that all the time. A friend of mine even commented the other day on what she observed as a lack of fear in me.
She was wrong, however, to assume I am not fearful. My fear is not so much of failing…I think it is more a fear of SUCCEEDING. After all, over the past few years since cashing out of my first company I’ve gotten used to having a great deal of control around my time and energy. Having piloted through a start-up and navigated growth and expansion I know that time becomes less your own once you have customers and employees. Business #2 never got off the ground enough to compete for my time, but this one…I think there’s real possibility. I’ve got an awesome business partner and I feel we’re just in time to catch a wave as it is starting to roll (in an industry predicted to grow 72% this year!?).
The question that keeps coming up: will I be able to manage the time needed to grow the business and still be there for my daughters? Now that they’re in their teens what they need from me is very different from when they were younger. In some ways, I think they need me more now that they’re stretching their wings and starting to fly. Their ability to communicate, ask for help, and reach out when they need me has evolved, too. Thank goodness for text messaging and IM (did I really just write that?).
I will be able to do both. I will put time and space in my schedule for my family as they will always remain a priority, but I know it will be different than it has been over the past few years. Things will definitely change. I need to continue each day trying to figure out which balls in the air are glass so I don’t drop them and watch them shatter. Let the rubber ones bounce.
Are you or have you ever been afraid of success? Are you your own obstacle? What steps can you put into place to make sure you’re not the one holding you back?
Most people, at least in the U.S. have heard about the recent airplane which, after colliding with a large flock of birds, landed miraculously in the Hudson River with no loss of life (other than avian life and a lot of feathers). In a recent interview with the pilot, I picked up one key lesson for managing in a crisis that can be applied to the current economic and business challenges as they swirl around us.
Don’t panic.
My thoughts on this are best summarized by referencing one of my favorite movie lines from The American President::
Robin McCall: I think the important thing is not to make it look like we’re panicking. President Andrew Shepherd: See, and I think the important thing is actually not to BE panicking.
There are four things which can help you remain calm in a tough situation, none of which are related to narcotics. The first is preparation. I actually find great peace in understanding what the worst outcome of a situation or decision could be and knowing how I would handle it. Of course, I then work like heck to make sure that doesn’t happen, but being prepared in case it does helps get rid of a lot of fear. The flight team consisted of veterans. They had trained hard and had a lot of experience to draw on. They didn’t have time to refer to a checklist of procedure manual – they just had to act. Knowledge and confidence made that possible. They may have never actually dealt with a bird strike before, but their preparation told them what to do.
The second is taking control of whatever you can control and letting go what you can’t (Shameless plug: this is one of the main messages in my keynote “It’s All About You: Reclaiming Your Personal Power”). The pilot had to accept the situation they were in and work like heck to control what he could. This also goes to the idea of personal responsibility that so many people have lost. The pilot didn’t throw his hands up and say “well, the airline (or airplane maker) really did it this time!’ No time for blame, just time for action.
Third, take a deep breath and dive in. Get your wits about you. Clear your head. Reflect for whatever time is reasonable (a split-second, probably, with the pilot) and then jump into the situation with razor-focus on your goal.
Finally, you have to believe that a positive outcome is possible. The pilot had to have faith that all was not lost. We need to have faith that things will not always be this way; they will change for the better. Sometimes, we just need to believe in miracles.
Miracles do happen, as we saw on the Hudson River. Or was it the calm demeanor of the crew enabled by preparedness, control, and a clear head bolstered by faith? I tend to think it was a combination of all the above. I also believe those of us who are facing a personal economic crisis with a clear head might just see some miracles, too. But don’t just sit back and wait for them…get prepared, take control, take a deep breath and dive in! Oh, and you gotta believe it can happen…
How many people are insane enough to schedule a radio interview at 8:00 am on New Year’s Day? Yes, my friends last night thought I was crazy. But I’ve enjoyed every past interview with Jim Blasingame, the Small Business Advocate, so much that when they called and asked me to join him on his show this morning I decided to do it. As it turned out, it was a great way to start the first day of a new year.
Jim and I talked about what was going to be required for businesses in 2009. His take on it: don’t be afraid to celebrate mere survival as an accomplishment in 2009. We’re both optimists but you can’t ignore the reality: the tough times aren’t over yet. Check out the recording of our discussion and let me know what you think about it!
For me, though, I see opportunities in tough times. I think this is a great time to remember a couple of key points and work to build on them. While I don’t believe in New Year’s Resolutions, the following are ideas to keep in focus over the entire year.
1. Your work is not who you are. I ran into this when I cashed out of my first company. I had put so much into it that the separation felt like a painful limb extraction. It took me some time to realize that my business, or my book for that matter, was not my identity. They are merely things I have done. True, actions speak louder than words about our character, but they don’t always have to define us. That’s the great thing about life: we’re given the gift of a new day or a new year to redefine who we are, to change. I believe it is harder to morph the core of who we are, but it can be done. For me the core has remained largely consistent but as I worked to build my faith over the last few years I have seen a resurgence of the things I like about myself and a shrinking of those tendencies and traits I despise and which don’t serve me well, anyway.
2. Focus on that which you can control. There is so much negative going on in the world that it is easy to feel like things are spinning out of control. What many people lose focus of is what you can control: your attitude and your reaction to what is happening around you. I’ve seen a growing deficit in personal responsibility – too many people feeling like victims. Put your big girl (or boy) pants on and deal with it. Bad things happen to everyone whether you see that or not. You can choose to give away your power to outside events and circumstances or you can elect to keep that control for yourself. If you haven’t read Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl, I highly recommend it. He was a concentration camp survivor and provides a disturbing story with an insightful look into the psyche that has the power to change your outlook and your life.
3. Keep it all in perspective. In our interview this morning (which you can listen to or download here), Jim told a story about how he helped a CEO keep his business troubles in perspective. Indeed, I’ve found the best way to break out of a cycle of feeling overwhelmed by your own troubles is to help someone else. You’ll find that there are a lot of people who are worse off than you. Someone always has it worse and someone always has it better. Such is life. Getting out of yourself and helping someone else allows you to find things in your own situation you can be thankful for. As we do at our family dinner table, find at least one good thing in every day, even if it is the knowledge that the next day you get to start over.
Although the world and economy have seen better times, I wouldn’t trade where we are right now for anything. We’re exactly where we need to be. We can correct the things that haven’t worked in the past, refocus on the core of what is important, and look for new opportunities to expand and grow our horizons. Forget the New Years Resolution. Resolve to live each day as if it matters, because it does.
I was recently talking with a good friend of mine about her continuing struggle with the decision to work or stay home after she becomes a mom. She absolutely wants to keep working, but she gets continual flack from her husband’s family. She’s torn. I shared with her a paper that my daughter wrote a couple of weeks ago that I now have pinned to my bulletin board. After reading it (and wiping the tears from my eyes), I realized she was crying too. She then begged me to post the letter, to share it with other women. I wasn’t sure because it felt self-aggrandizing but she convinced me that the letter is NOT about me. It is about every mother out there who questions whether she’s doing the right thing by her children. It is about the power of living a fulfilled life and proof that your kids DO see through whatever it is you’re doing. Once my daughter said it was OK, I decided to post it. You can read it on my Momblog on Working Mother Magazine’s website.
This week, I’ve got some guest articles posted over at Life Meets Work. Check out the first: Communicating with Flexible Workers. If you manage employees who aren’t in the office all the time, I would be curious to hear about the challenges you’ve faced and the approaches that work!
The debate that is raging around Governor Sarah Palin’s nomination as the Republican VP candidate got me thinking about a lot of things. I won’t go into them all now, but the one I want to address here is this notion of having it all.
One woman on the Working Mother Magazine’s Momblog seemed concerned that Sarah Palin can’t have it all successfully – something will have to give.
The problem I have with that notion is what the idea of having it all really means. To me, being the Vice President of the United States doesn’t rank anywhere NEAR the vision I have for myself or my family. To me, that is the anti-having-it-all, but that is my point: TO ME. I think having it all is a state of mind. An individual’s mind. That means that it is highly personal. One woman’s all is another woman’s hell.
I think the key to feeling like you have it all is in being happy with where you are and what you’ve got. Sure, I could have more this or that but I could also have less. Either way won’t make me happier. My spiritual side tells me I am right where I need to be at this very moment. To me, THAT is what having it all is.
So what does it mean to you? What’s stopping you from achieving it all?
I’ve taken many unmarked paths in my time, some covered with nasty brush and briars, some clear. I’ve certainly gotten lost a time or two. But somehow, I eventually – always – ended up in an incredible place. Had I obsessed over trying to figure out exactly where I was and how I got there, rather than having faith that I would not only meet my objective (fresh air and exercise for my walk) but that I would also somehow find my way back, I would have missed it. I would have missed a marvelous view and a peaceful, thoughtful moment.
It’s been a long time since I’ve been outside of my comfort zone. Oh, there was that learning-to-juggle-thing I undertook around this time last year. It only took me a month to master that new trick. It wasn’t something I had ever tried before, so I didn’t expect to be good at it. The failures were anticipated and even a fun part of the journey.
Most people, at least in the U.S. have heard about the recent airplane which, after colliding with a large flock of birds, 
I was recently talking with a good friend of mine about her continuing struggle with the decision to work or stay home after she becomes a mom. She absolutely wants to keep working, but she gets continual flack from her husband’s family. She’s torn. I shared with her a paper that my daughter wrote a couple of weeks ago that I now have pinned to my bulletin board. After reading it (and wiping the tears from my eyes), I realized she was crying too. She then begged me to post the letter, to share it with other women. I wasn’t sure because it felt self-aggrandizing but she convinced me that the letter is NOT about me. It is about every mother out there who questions whether she’s doing the right thing by her children. It is about the power of living a fulfilled life and proof that your kids DO see through whatever it is you’re doing. Once my daughter said it was OK, I decided to post it. You can read it on my 
