What is it about getting older makes us deny our ability to get sick? As my fever began to creep up I heard myself say “I don’t have time to be sick.” Like there is anyone that does? And as if we have a choice? I take care of myself and don’t believe I am under any larger-than-normal amount of stress, but here I am recovering from two days with a fever and a cough that would wake the dead (for those of you that have heard my normal cough, this is MUCH WORSE!). Why does a fever hit so hard after a certain age?

I tried to make meetings and take conference calls – and actually made a few. My apologies to those that had to talk to me or, worse, see me in this condition. Looking back, I should have taken to bed much sooner than I did.

Perhaps getting sick is God’s way of letting us know we have more choices about what we commit to than we think. Life continues on without us. Our kids eat cereal for dinner and live to tell about it. Some meetings get rescheduled and others don’t. The world didn’t end because we didn’t show up. What a liberating thought!

I met Mary Moslander, President & CEO of Live Healthier, when she won the REDI business plan competition. Ruth Semple of the Maryland Technology Development Center had been telling me “You just have to meet Mary – you have so much in common!” Thank you, Ruth, for being right on the money. I owe you a debt of gratitude for introducing me to Mary. From the first 2-3 hour lunch we had (that could have gone on much longer if we didn’t have so many other things to do!), I discovered that I was missing something in my life – girl friends.

You see, I have always been around men. My business was focused on the manufacturing sector, which was at the time decidedly male-dominated. I seemed to get along better with guys – I can even remember lines to stupid movies and use them at an appropriate point in a conversation. Most of my close women friends were people I grew up with, or that knew me from before I started my business. It seems that once I started a business and that business started to become successful, the chasm started to open. I just didn’t fit in anywhere.

I love my children, and having flexibility to be with them was one of the catalysts for me to start my business. But I love what I do for a living, too. I loved writing my book. I love empowering others to find the greatness within themselves. I love creating opportunities by connecting people with each other. I refuse to choose between family and work – it is not an ‘all or nothing’ game for me.

Mary gets that. She is in the same boat. I can tell her about how incredible it felt to see my book on Amazon.com for the first time and she can get excited about it with me. She, in turn, can tell me about being introduced by Susan Lucci at a high-end awards event for which she was asked to present and I can feel thrilled with her. We don’t have to worry that the other will think we are bragging, or somehow insincere. We can just be ourselves while supporting the other to do the same. When you begin achieving a level of success, it is hard to keep supportive friendships in tact. When you find one, figure out a way to keep in touch with them more often.

Mary – we’re on for every third Friday, right?

A recent article in the Harvard University Gazette, “Cross-cultural study of entrepreneurs has surprising findings“, discussed the results of a recent study completed on 377 entrepreneurs from China and Russia on how gender affects revenues, growth, and profit of new ventures.

When I first read the article, I was confounded. The study found that women have bigger and less useful networks than men and that men have better ‘emotional’ networks than women. Then I started to think about what that really meant.

Several years back, a speaker we had through my TEC group, Tom Hill, said something I never forgot: you are the average of the 10 people you spend the most time with. At that time, his statement scared me to death. I realized I was not seeking out the right relationships. I was not spending time with people who had similar life goals or who had achieved what I wanted to accomplish. Now that I look back, the direct emotional support that I was receiving from my network at that time was nonexistent if not counter-productive.

The study also says that women have larger networks that are often filled with “lots of the wrong people and people who have no useful resources.” Ouch. Men, on the contrary, network strictly for utility and some feel that perhaps women should learn how to network like men. Women tend to build relationships just to have relationships and do not always base their connections on utility. When I am networking, I don’t always do so with a purpose in mind. I don’t make a friend because I want something from them. That said, my networking has benefited me tremendously by providing introductions and opportunities that I might not have otherwise had. So although I did not enter into relationships with a specific purpose in mind, I credit a lot of other people with helping me on my road to success. Hopefully, my relationships have been likewise beneficial to others as I try to give back as much, if not more, than I receive. By consciously seeking out like-minded colleagues (both men and women) and seeing how I can help them, I have been able to also find the emotional support I was previously missing.

So while there may be a difference in the way men and women network, I am not looking to change my current methods. Seeking out people whom I respect and who embody the same qualities, values, and goals that I do, without worrying about what I can get from them, seems to be working well for me.

In a recent e-mail from Margaret Heffernan, author of “How She Does It: How Women Entrepreneurs are changing the rules for business success”, she relayed a story that horrified me. She was speaking at Babson College and one of the students shared a comment from one of her professors. This ‘eminent’ professor told her that she could have a business, she could have a family, but she could not have both. And the Princeton Review recently named Babson College’s MBA Program the “Best Opportunity for Women” for the third year in a row. Hmmmm.

Now, giving this man the benefit of the doubt, I’ll assume he meant that she could not have them at the same time. But would that make it any better? Absolutely not.

This is exactly the type of thinking I am motivated to eradicate. “If you are serious about business, you can’t have a family or if you are a good parent, you can’t be serious about your business.” That is bunk (I would use stronger language, but I am trying to keep it clean). I have several examples I can share, as Margaret did with that student, which prove his comment is nonsense, not to mention dangerous.

Why must we propagate this idea that you can’t do whatever the heck you want? If you want to do it bad enough, you can find a way. And who are we (or who was HE) to tell this young student that she couldn’t do it? Clearly, this teacher is still in the dark ages.

One of the key factors lies in not caring what other people think and doing what works for you. Defining your OWN version of success. In interviewing entrepreneurs for my book, there was indeed a vast difference between how they managed their family and their business. One woman waited until her business was at a ‘stable enough’ point to start her family. Many of the business owners launched their companies after they had already started a family. Many had young kids, some who grew up with the business (like my own daughters).

The problem is that these stories – these entrepreneurs that are serious about their business and their families - are not being told. One woman I interviewed, who happened to own a $70M company, told me she was hesitant to talk about her kids because she was afraid it would make her seem less serious. Isn’t it time that we changed these ancient attitudes and removed the stigma? After all, this is REAL LIFE.

Can you teach someone to be an entrepreneur? Tough question that is often hotly debated. My answer is: perhaps. I believe that if someone has certain innate characteristics they can learn a great many things that can improve their chances for success in starting a business. Is it guaranteed? No way. In 2005, the SBA estimates that 544,800 businesses closed. If success was guaranteed, if there was a manual that anyone could follow and be successful, who wouldn’t do it?

So if it is so risky, why do so many people start businesses? Fortune Small Business declares “we are in the midst of the largest entrepreneurial surge this county has seen.” While plunging into entrepreneurship is generally a personal decision (much like the decision to start a family!), I’ve seen a number of common themes emerge:

1) If I am going to work this hard, I might as well be the one benefiting from it (money)

2) I want to turn my passion into a business

3) I want to be my own boss so I can have control over my time and my future (flexibility)

4) I want to leave a legacy – make a difference

5) No one appreciates my talents or believes in my potential (the glass ceiling)

6) I know my way is a better way (control)

As people are finding working for someone else less and less fulfilling, the pipeline of new entrepreneurs keep growing. So what are the characteristics that are common among successful entrepreneurs? In researching my book, I believe that they are many of the same commonalities that make a good parent. While I don’t want to give away all the goodies from my book, I can share the one I think is the most compelling: long-term vision.

Good parents have long-term vision for their children: they actually think about their children’s future. I have been working with my daughter on her writing lately and it appears she has some skill in writing. She fights it because of her perfectionist tendencies, but there is potential there. My job is to help her realize her potential.

Good business owners also have a long-term vision for their business (which is like one of their children). They often can see things in their business or in the markets that others can not see and nurture their business to reach its full potential. Sometimes, this vision is all we have, leading others to call us ‘crazy.’ We can not push ahead, however, with blinders on. We must practice focused flexibility, which will be the topic of a future entry. Anyone want to take a guess at what it is?