I get frustrated every time I hear stories of women who are unwilling to help other women. In fact, I’ve heard hushed confessions from successful women who have realized that they are actually harder on other women than on men in the same role, such as competitors or potential partners – even customers. Why is that? I think I’ve figured it out.
Success Scarcity.
Although it isn’t limited to women, success scarcity is an inherent and subconscious belief that someone else’s achievement will somehow limit our ability to be successful.
It doesn’t.
I see this, unfortunately, among many women’s groups. If you stop and look, collaboration among women’s groups is unfortunately uncommon. Tsk, tsk. There’s no shortage of success opportunities, ladies!
To the contrary, I’m a true believer in the old adage that success begets success and that someone else’s success can rub off on you. Being around and learning from successful people actually does increase your success while does nothing to diminish their accomplishment. After all, a lighted candle loses nothing by lighting another.
The other excuse I have heard is I worked hard without any help so you should to.
Ok – I admit – after paying my way through college by working nonstop since I was 15 (the first time I took more than 1 week off work was when I gave birth!), I carried this concept with me for a while.
I could do it, why can’t <insert name>.
A good friend helped me see that I really did get more help than I thought, by way of encouragement from friends and family. What I retained in my mind as “without any help” was really just without any monetary help, but plenty of love and emotional support. My thinking now is that is almost more important!
So the next time someone asks you for help, or you see someone struggling whom you can assist with your experience and advice, reach out to them. If your company has a women’s support or leadership support group, get involved. Whether you need it or not, or know it or not, helping others to be successful almost always ensures your own success in ways you can’t even imagine. Iif you’re not paying attention, you might not even see it but I guarantee you, it’s there.
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Tags: Business, Leadership, Scarcity, Society and Culture
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I am a great believer that you will reap what you sow. If you are willing to help others when they need it, then you will be rewarded. Not that that should be the only reason you help others at all.
Thanks for your post. I am studying this for a Uni project and found this information very useful for a my last dissertation.
D Goldberg.
Great article. This is why men feel we’re less powerful than they are. Men are like brothers, they’ll all happily help each other reach the top unless there’s a personal reason not to. Women will hurt each other and refuse to help each other for no reason at all. We have to stop – and I love that saying that a lit candle loses nothing for lighting another.
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the candle lighting another candle metaphor was very clever, i never thought of it as that! if i’m honest i thought that it was due to ignorance, my sister always acted like that to me when she finished high school
The premise of this article is true. I have met many women who prefer to work for men because their experience with female managers has not been pleasant.
I don’t know if this is because of “success scarcity” or something else more inherent in women than with men. It remains to be seen and I’ll stay tuned…
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Amen! The ONLY way women are going to survive and thrive is in helping one another. There are documented deficiencies in self confidence for women and girls. The solution? One biggie is mentors. Where will those come from? Here’s a hint (point at yourself).
Another great blog post. I think we can all say that we have had these thoughts – as if our helping another woman will some how set us back. This is a great reminder that we are all in this together and that there are enough opportunities for us all to be successful