I am incensed that the topic of work/life balance is back in the spotlight just because a woman with young children is putting her hat in the ring to take on a major leadership role. I’m mad not because work/life balance isn’t a worthy topic (it is one close to my heart) but because of the context in which it is being raised.
Did anyone ask about how much time Obama would have to spend with his young kids when he announced his candidacy?
Why the different standards for parenting between men and women? This issue has NEVER come up for a man. Just because we’re moms DOESN’T MEAN we’re not serious about our work. And just because we work DOESN’T MEAN we don’t love our kids and aren’t serious about being a good parent.
In other countries and cultures, being a parent – especially a mom – is almost a GIVEN. Family is an important part of their culture that doesn’t stop with children. Family in other cultures often includes parents, cousins, aunts, etc. Only in America do we make having family responsibilities a negative reflection on our abilities to do our job effectively.
The article on the front page of the Baltimore Sun had some good points on this topic. Some other similar questions on the table around Governor Palin’s nomination:
- Can Sarah Palin be the VP while raising a family? OF COURSE SHE CAN. Will it be easy? No! But what is? Did she jump into this without thought and conferring with her husband and family? Not likely.
- What are the key things that she needs to do to make it work? This is the not the first leadership position she has been in, though it will likely be the most demanding job she’s ever had. As most working mothers know, it takes a lot of outside support for any working mother to also raise her family.
- How will she be able to balance being VP and being a mom? Like every other working mom with a demanding job. She’ll miss some soccer games (I have!) and won’t be there for every party at school. Families come in all shapes and sizes and there are plenty of messed up kids from homes where the mom didn’t work at all. My own mom stayed at home and I get into PLENTY of trouble.
Whether you work outside the home or not is NOT a measure of your abilities or commitment as a parent. Likewise, just because you have young kids doesn’t mean you’re less committed to your job. Weren’t there Kennedy children playing around the oval office?
Let’s just get on with this and focus on the REAL issues surrounding this election: Iraq, energy independence, health care, taxes, the economy….etc…etc…etc…
September 4th, 2008 at 10:23 pm
Raising kids is literally full-time work before they enter school. If you send your child to day-care, you are choosing to allow someone else to parent your child for that time. When kids enter school, parenting takes place before and after school. If parents aren’t there on a regular basis, someone else is parenting, be it peers, other adults, or electronics. It’s not about parties and games - it’s about interacting with and role modeling for your child.
Most families with two parents working full-time outside the home are leaving a significant amount of the parenting to someone else. No one can work two concurrent full-time jobs and do their best at both; that’s why it’s called full time.” If you spend more time at work or doing work than you spend meaningfully interacting with your children you are showing the world where your priority lies - and it’s not raising your children.
September 5th, 2008 at 8:12 am
Debbie - raising kids is full time, but that doesn’t mean that mom and dad are the only ones qualified to do that. In fact, there are no qualifications or schooling required to be a parent. Families come in all shapes and sizes. I happen to believe that no one person has all the answers for their kids and exposing our children to the RIGHT kinds of people outside immediate family can be enriching. To say that day care is bad is short-sighted. My childrens’ lives have been enriched by the other people they’ve been exposed to, such as the mom two doors down who watched them when they were infants or our nanny who came into our house to help us with them in their toddler years as we worked from home. They loved our kids and the kids loved them back. Now that my kids are older (12 and 14), my husband and I are working to be available for them more because NOW is a crucial time for positive parental guidance (whether they admit it or not!). Parental guidance, however, isn’t limited to those whose genes we share.
My kids have always been a priority, but that doesn’t mean I am there for them every time they think they need me. The realities of the world they need to learn is that it is not all about them. Too many kids are raised as the center of the universe well into their teens, only to be shocked when they get out and realize it ain’t so. It isn’t about what you GET in this world, it is about what you can GIVE. THAT is what I try to model for my children.
September 6th, 2008 at 3:06 pm
Amen to that last paragraph Julie. One of the hottest books on the market right now for parents is Have a New Kid by Friday” by Dr. Kevin Leman. He does an outstanding job of enforcing this last point that you make. It’s not all about our children. So many children today are spoiled rotten because parents have completely catered to them. There is a difference between loving our children and revolving our whole world around them.
As for the whole working mom vs. stay at home mom issue. There are great moms from both categories. I personally coach moms so I know. It’s not about whether we work or not but how well we do modeling life for our children…modeling life in a way that is most important to us and is most helpful for our children’s future character.
September 17th, 2008 at 8:44 am
I have to concur with Julie and Lori. A fulfilled mother is a better parent than an unfulfilled and depressed one. If fulfillment comes from working outside the home, it opens the horizons of both parent and child. Every woman has a differnt idea of balance between work and home. I have chosen to work part-time to make myslef more available to my kids, and allow my husband to be fulfilled in a job that takes him away from home most weeks. Julie and her husband have an opposite balance. In the end each partnership has to find that balance for their own families. Sarah Palin and her husband have obviously found that balance with her working full time.
September 17th, 2008 at 11:43 am
What I am amazed by is the fact that the most vocal opponents to Palin’s candidacy - using the grounds that she has young children, and a pregnant daughter - are other women! I have several colleagues who have told me she should not be running, because she has small kids and that’s where her priorities should be. How does anyone justify make such moral judgements about what is right and wrong for others - this is her personal choice. But many women seem to think that it is the mother’s responsibility to be there for her kids (until they’re a certain age) - as if a caring father, extended family, friends, daycare, etc etc are incapable of providing the kids with what they need to grow up well adjusted. And I am hearing this from women who are highly educated, working professionals - not just stay-at-home moms. Life is full of choices. In my 25+ year career, I have chosen to (at times) work 90 hour weeks to take companies public, putting one daughter in day care at 3 weeks old. I have also chosen to take a few years off and stay home when my 3 kids were 2-7 yrs old - and looking back, I am very glad I did each of these things. While I may have fewer memories of firsts” (first word steps etc.) I have 3 wonderful well-adjusted kids. My mom always told me (usually when she was frustrated with my desire to do something better) “Fine you just do anything you’re woman enough to do”. And I did - never thinking that anyone would put any roadblocks in my way because I was a woman. The realization that this was an issue hit me when I was interviewing with Admiral Rickover for a position in the Nuclear Navy and his single question was “how do I know after we give you all this training you’re not just going to want to go have babies?” (I answered - “You don’t. But that’s not my intention.” - and they let me into the program). I hope that when my son and two daughters see my working to lead the company I founded a few years ago and see their dad cooking dinner each night they will become part of the first generation that truly understands that men and women really are capable of accomplishing whatever they set their minds to. All it takes is a truly collaborative effort from all family members for everyone to have their needs (and many desires) met.
September 25th, 2008 at 7:58 am
Interesting topic. My first peeve is the tag work/life” when actually life should come first and work fit in. Working parents (and can we also shift that dynamic? why is it working moms and not working dads?) should prioritize and then develop a life course around those priorities. As Laura notes a depressed stay at home parent is no good for anyone. Neither is a mom or dad who works because it is expected.
The interesting sidelight from the more feminist among us is that Sarah is opening a door for employers to say “she can do it all why can’t you?” I hope we’ve come far enough from the 1920’s suffragettes and burning bras 60’s that as a gender we won’t allow us to fall back into that trap.
We should all be aware of what Jackie notes that there are life choices. And we should help those stay at home moms who may seem threatened by Sarah and those women who have 2 shifts (paid day work and unpaid mom work). It used to be that we scorned women who worked. Now we are scorning those women who don’t. Let’s support each other. Jackie is right. It is amazing that women are not supporting each other in whatever choice they make.
September 29th, 2008 at 12:14 pm
I don’t think there’s as much an issue with Sarah Palin being a mother as there is with her being completely unqualified for the VP position. Sure, it’s easy to say that no one questioned Obama in terms of how much time he’d spend with kids. But most people think he’s qualified to be the President, and for Palin it’s not the same thing. The fact of the matter is that most people don’t trust Palin, so they’ll say anything against her. They’re not purposely doing it because she’s female.